I Think...

I think there might be something wrong with me... And I don't mean mentally. I already know there is something wrong with me mentally ever since I was small.. I think there is something wrong with me physically.

First of all, the twitching. Usually, a twitch here and there is normal. But sometimes, I get twitches that last more than 5 minutes on a daily basis. It's really annoying. Especially, when you are trying to sleep. I am a type of person that can barely sleep now days. For me to really get a good night rest, had to take sleeping pills.  But I don't really rely on that at the moment. I don't want to become too dependent on medication. So, when I try to sleep without the pills, I couldn't afford any distraction (like the annoying twitching) or I could my precious sleep.

Secondly, at times, my hand will be shivering like mad. Usually, when my friends noticed it, I will laugh it off and say "I lack glucose/sodium" but actually I am a bit worried. It's not the normal shiver like the one you get when you're cold. It's the one like a Parkinson people have. Sometimes that scares me...

Then, I have noticed that my hand-eye coordination is getting way off. I have been noticing this for a long time now. That is why lately I have been playing rhythm games such as Taiko, Project Diva, and Beats!. I am just testing my hand eye coordination. It's getting bad as the day goes. Sometimes, even when I type, I'll press a button next to it instead. It has happened too often that it is just too hard to ignore anymore. And usually, to open the lock to my room door or plug in my charger to my phone, I could do it in one try. But lately, that is not what's happening. Sometimes I feel like a drunk person trying to open the door or plugging in the charger to his phone. It's kinda frustrating.

Sometimes I think I am just over thinking these stuff, but sometimes I wonder, what is there is something wrong, and when I found out, it's too late to do anything... I don't want to check the internet for these symptoms because it will always gives you the worst case scenario, but I also don't want to consult a doctor because I feel ridiculous... What should I do?

++saykoji89++

++my body is a strange thing++

Yay Or No Yay?

Today (It was yesterday actually, considering it's already 1:30 AM) I was being all giddy and excited. Wanna know why? 

First of all, I decided to make my own own UVERworld Fan Blog. The link is http://sekaiwokoeru.blogspot.com. Please visit there if you want to see the latest update on UVERworld. I'm thinking of inviting someone else to help me handle the blog, but we'll see how.

Secondly, D-san has been answering our prayers questions on twitter earlier today. So I have asked a few questions and he answers. Too bad he didn't reply to the owner of the question. It's something like an unmention kind of thing. Anyway, while I was being happy about him answering questions, there are some answers that kind of destroyed my hope and dreams.

We asked him about UVERworld World Tour. He says that the main problem would be cost and scheduling. So it doesn't seem like like UVERworld is having any World Tour anytime soon.

I also asked him a few other questions. I asked whether Takuya likes to run, and he answers that Takuya loves running and this summer, he ran 1000km. Not sure if I should believe, but okay. I then asked is THE SONG DVD with English subs is coming out, and he said they are working on it. Which means I have to save money.  Then, he asked for fan sites link which I was gladly to link him to UVER.org, UVERworld LJ , UVERworld Malaysian Fan Community FB page, and OVER the UVER, which all I am following. But he didn't answer one of my questions which makes me feel kind of ignored. He didn't answer my question on why won't the UVERworld members have twitter account.

Anyway, that's all for this update. I'll be updating a lot on my new UVERworld base blog, so I wonder if I will have more time here....

++saykoji89++

++I wish you have your own twitter account++

I am an asshole...

....when I don't get enough sleep. As I write this, I haven't sleep for more than 34 hours. I am cranky, childish beyond reason, and a total asshole. Yes, I admit, I am a total asshole. Yesterday, while I was at the hospital, I was so short of throwing a tantrum, and even being all sarcastic, and even calling my friend's question stupid. Usually, I would be more tact and just answer it, no matter how stupid I thought the question was. It was her first time to get her blood taken for a blood test, and here I am saying her questions are stupid. I am stupid for saying it.

Anyway, yesterday I went to Putrajaya Hospital to continue my treatment for my Bipolar. And yes, I am Bipolar and lately it's going for the worse. My mood still fluctuates between crying my heart out and laughing my ass up. It's affecting my sleep too, thus the lack of sleep, thus the crankiness. Anyway, I went to the hospital to seek help, and without seeing a doctor, I have an appointment next year. Wow. If I was in the condition when I was in UiTM, I would have just offed myself. Yeah, isn't it going to be ironic that your mental patient could make to her first appointment because while you asses sit there chit chatting and what not, your patient couldn't see anyone about her problem, and she suicides. How's that? Oh, and don't pretend that you doctors and nurses are totally innocent. I see you people gather at the nurses counter gossiping about people you hardly know about. Don't even get me started about the Doctor-Patient Confidentiality, because to put it bluntly, there's none.

Do you know why people see psychiatrist? They know there is something wrong with them. And here they are, seeking help from you people. They share with you everything, and here you are, judging these people that needs your help, gossiping about these patients at the nurses' counter. Usually, it would bother me because Malaysian are Kepochi by nature, but yesterday, it just pisses me off. I really want to throw my heavy sling bag to their faces. But if I really did that, it's either I be getting my time in the ward or the jail.

And then while we had to wait for what seems an eternity at the pharmacist for them to process the medications (my friend's not mine), I saw this ad they put on tv. It goes "Don't take fevers lightly, check for dengue fever". I find this ad very VERY funny. You see, somewhere in the middle of this year, I had a very high fever, that goes on for about 4 days. Seeing the fever did not subsides, I went to Putrajaya Hospital for treatment. I went there, with my high fever, wanting to see a doctor to see what is wrong with me. I thought with a 39 degrees Celcius fever that has been going on for 4 days was already an urgent case for me to be able to go through the Emergency and Trauma unit, seeing the hospital had no outpatient treatment center. 

But apparently, it wasn't the case. They denied me to see a doctor and told me to go to the Putrajaya Health Clinic instead saying it's just probably a normal fever. It's funny how I ended up getting warded at Subang Jaya Medical Centre, a hospital that is in a whole different district, for, wait for it, DENGUE FEVER, the next day. Wow. I am speechless towards these people. Here you are, promoting for people not to take fever lightly, but when they do come to you, you redirect them to another medical place? Usually I wouldn't be so prissy about it, but since I lack sleep, I'm going to bitch about it.

Anyway, I am going to try to sleep now, which I doubt I will. The last time I tried to sleep, I suddenly had the urge to finish up my photoshop assignment which I end up make the model's picture damn scary, and redirect me to write a blogpost. If I am still unable to sleep, I will seriously consider to ask someone to give me a concussion. And no, I'm not kidding. It's either that or I will forcefully make myself sleep permanently. 

++saykoji89++

++I feel like killing the next person with stupid updates/statuses++

Pure Bliss

...is the state I am in at the moment. Let me explain.

Before I begin, I need you to know UVERworld and dR2-san.

UVERworld is a J-Rock band that I adore from the bottom of my heart. It was introduced to me by my Laling. UVERworld is currently the only thing in the world that I haven't grow bored of. You see, I get bored by things due to my ADHD. Anyway, me not getting bored of UVERworld is a big thing.

dR2-san (-san is just a formality in Japanese language. Something like Mr. in English) is an UVERworld staff. He updates us fans about UVERworld's activity. He take snapshots of the member and teasingly put it up on twitter so the fans can go "KYAAAA". In short, he is the middleman of UVERworld and the fans.

Now that we covered the basics, 

You see, just now I saw someone tweeted to dR2-san's twitter account 

"@dR2_for_overseas I'm falling in love with intro of Awayokuba! It's beautiful! (^0^)"

So, naturally I was thinking, why not try my luck and try and tweet him. By my luck, he may retweet me too. So, as I was finding what song to tell him that I am in love with, I found myself coming to a stump... I can't choose! I mean, I love every single song by them. I can't decide which song to tell him I like most. Then, I just decided that I might as well tell him that.

And so I tweeted this

and HE DID RETWEET IT!!!! I AM SO BLOODY HAPPY THAT I COULD CRY!!!!

Okay, some of you people might think, "Oh, so? What is the big deal? He just retweeted it". Remember when I say he was the middleman between UVERworld and the fans? Well, it goes both ways. By some miracle, Takuya will see that tweet, and maybe he recognizes me? Dream on, you might say. Just let me be happy in my own fantasy.

++saykoji89++

++Takuya needs a twitter account. No, I need Takuya to have a twitter account++

My Christmas List

If by any chance, one of my readers is an eccentric rich person, with a hell lot of money, and do not know what to do with it, can you grant me these wishes? 

1. UVERworld Arena Tour ticket, 22nd December 2012, Fukuoka Kokusai Center

See more here.

2. PRS Guitar Private Stock Hollowbody II

 (#1143 1P Quilt Top & Back "kissing hummingbird inlays" -Faded Aquamarine-)

3. XYLOBAND x UVERworld Tour Goods

(Blue and Red)

4. FREEDOM CGR Ventura4 (Blue, Semihollow specification)

(The one that Nobuto used for Xmas Premium Live 2011)

5.  UVERworld hoodie

6. Denim jacket

(the one in the picture)

7.  Black Converse All Star Sneakers

8. New pillows~

9. New album

(my old one is full already)

10. Fully sponsored trip to Kusatsu, Shiga, Japan.

++saykoji89++

++I do hope someone out there is rich enough to give me all these++

Of my grandmother

I just came back from my Aunt's place in Rawang for an awesome BBQ~ Thanks Auntie Emma. It was really delicious. Don't sweat of why mama's black pepper sauce is different from yours. Everyone has their own unique recipe.

Anyway, while I was there, my aunt said that recently she dreamed of my grandmother. According to her, my grandmother suddenly woke up. She asked my aunt to buy for my brother's fiance a gold bracelet for their engagement. When she said that, I remembered that I too had recently dreamed about my grandmother. I can't really remember the details, but I dreamed that I spent the whole day with her, like I used to do when I was still young. No phones, no laptops, no internet. Just me, her and lots of fun.

Before my grandmother passed away, I had a dream of her back then too. It was about two weeks before she passed. I dreamed that we were all in her hospital private room. She was awake and able too speak to us. You see, before my grandmother passed, most of the time she just slept, and even if she's awake, she could speak coherently. Anyway, in that dream, she was saying her goodbyes to everyone of her children. She said goodbye to me last before I was awake from that dream. She told me, I was the greatest gift that God has given her. I still cried every time I remembered that dream. God, I miss her. I really do. Everything around me reminds me of her. It's hard to let go, if everything reminds me of you, nenek. 

++saykoji89++

++Al-Fatihah to my grandmother, Safiah Abdullah++

I don't really know anymore

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately (well, yes. I do think sometimes) and I find myself wondering, "Is this what I really want?"

You see, as I was growing up, I had this really weird habit of wanting something so damn hard that when I finally get it, I don't even want them anymore. Like all the excite and anxiety has been used up by just wanting them. I hate it when this happens. Oh, example you ask? Let me give you a few...

When I was younger, I really, REALLY wanted to go to boarding school, but when I did get enrolled, all I want to do is go back to my old school.

I used to really, REALLY want a pet, but now that the room is almost like a mini zoo, I felt like these pets are a hassle.

I also used to really, REALLY want a smartphone, but now that I have it, I felt like it is the most incompetent tool I have ever have AND if my brother ever read this, he'll call me an ingrate, confiscate back the phone so fast that it'll make my head spin.

Anyway, my point is I am being such an ungrateful bitch towards the life God has gave me, and I lose my interest in stuff too damn quickly.

Now is the part where I get all mushy, and bitchy and delusional. So, if you are not comfortable with all these, please stop reading. I will not be accounted for the pains of your side bursting for laughing at me, or nausea, or any other ailments you might have from reading my rants below.

You see, I currently like this guy. He's hardworking, attractive, and all that I could ever look for in a guy. Oh, and he's older of me by 10 years. But he's only 10 years older. Not 20. That's old enough to be my dad. (By the way, my dad is actually older than me by more than 20 years, but you get the point.)

this is the guy I was talking about

Anyway, most of the people know him as Takuya, vocalist of UVERworld. If you don't know who UVERworld are, I strongly suggest either you kill yourself, or look it up in wikipedia. Hey, it's your choice.

Anyway, I like the guy. I actually like Takuya more than a like should be, but not to the point of loving him. I can't "love" him yet, I don't know him personally. Right now, I am having a complex feeling. I like the guy. I would do anything, ANYTHING, to meet him. Let's just say, I like this guy so much, that everyday I pray that someday I hoped to end up with him. (pathetic, I know)

But, recently, I had this weird feeling that UVERworld is going to perform live in Malaysia. (Not saying that it's true, but it's just a feeling). I would kill for the tickets, and I would kill and resuscitate the same damn person for a backstage pass. 

But ever since I had this weird dream, I start to feel a little insecure with myself. What if he just sees me as a typical fan? What if he sees me as a crazy stalker? And the biggest what if question I could think of is, "What if he accepts me as his girlfriend (by some miracle), I ended up getting bored of him?" I seem to do that a lot, and I would really hate it if it were to happen....

I don't know...

I really don't know....

++saykoji89++

++please ignore my early morning rants, they're weird++

A story I'm creating at the moment

I found drawings I did a few years back, probably in 2008 or 2009 and I named it Syuokunian or something. Well, recently I decided to make a new story based on that but I decided to give it a new twist. I'm tried of the Japanese name, the Japanese settings, so I decided to go fictional~ I'm creating fictional countries and fictional powers all from my fictional brain. Yeah, you read that right, my brain doesn't exist. It's a fictional being, somewhere along the unicorns and pegasus.

Anyway, hopefully this won't be another abandoned project. I hope I can get Laling to join in this project with me... Come laling, we become like Bakuman punya manga-ka. I come out with the storyline, and you draw... My drawing is not constant at the moment~ hahaha~

++saykoji89++

++Will this become an official artwork? I don't know++

Falling to pieces

I was listening to this song earlier that the first thing that came to my mind was him. Somehow the lyrics reminds me of him. I know nothing has ever happened between us, but he is a crush that I somehow can never forget..

I have no idea why I cannot let go of my petty crush on him. But back then I really, really liked him. I have no idea why. He's not that good looking. He did anything to impress me. But why do I like him anyways?

Well, for now let's try to continue to get over him...

++saykoji89++

The need to write...

...but not sure what...

I'm alone in the room right now. My only roommate went back early since she had a court session soon. Secretly, I like to say she has court session because of the reactions I will get. It'll be like "What have she done?", or "Eh? What happen?" or "Is she the witness to something?". But apparently either my friends are too used to me or boring. So far, the only reaction I got was "Meh." I need classier friends.

Currently, am trying to carve Ravel's Bolero into my brain so I can paint tomorrow. The lecturer said about getting a song that represents you, and at that moment, my mind instantly went to Bolero. I wanted to say UVERworld at first, but the lecturer did say a song that describes you, UVERworld just describes my feelings. It's different in a way.

Yeah, and Hadi said he's be willing to give one of his guinea pigs if it's a male... I haven't had a guinea pig before, so it's kind of awesome in a way, but where to put it? The hostel room is kinda too crowded for a guinea pig... Okay, actually it's not, but since all the mattresses are on the floor instead of their respective beds, we barely even have space to walk, let alone keep large pets... If only we can let the guinea pig be free like a cat, it'd be easier... If we really want to keep it, than some changes need to be done.

Oh, and recently I've been added to a group on Facebook. Apparently, they traced out most of the relatives on my mom's side back to my great great grandfather. To be truly honest, it's really awkward for me to be in that group. It's full of people I don't know! And I am very bad at first impressions! That would totally explains my lack of friends. And to be more honest, they look like the type to judge whatever you do. I'm just assuming, but the do look like that. I know that I am like the black sheep of the family, and I certainly do not need anymore judging from people I don't know.

And yes, I still haven't gotten used of not having my grandmother. I'm confused actually. I'm confused whether am I in denial of her death? I don't think I am in denial. I can accept the fact that she has passed away but somehow my heart don't want to accept the fact that she's gone forever. It's like my mind doesn't want to let it go either. I'm not saying that it's bad or anything, but this is going to be bad for my mental health. Sometimes late at night, I just closed my eyes and thought, "Ah, I want to hear her voice". In fact I'm pretty sure I can still hear her calling me "A'in". I miss having to talk to her about my crushes, my friends, my comics. I miss listening to her tales. I miss her. I miss nenek... This is the first time I felt losing someone really important. Before this, whenever someone told me their relatives passed away, I would be just like "Oh, my condolences." and it wouldn't cross my mind anymore. Even when my maternal grandmother passed away, I cried for about 10 minutes, and I never give second thought about it. But now, now I can't do the same. No matter how much I want to put it behind me I can't. I just can't. Instead, I just cried and cried  and cried. I know if my grandmother was here, she would have scolded me.

Ah, I better stop here before this post gets weirder and more depressing.

++saykoji89++

Update on my life

...because it's just so damn interesting.But it's not. It is seriously not that interesting. 

First of all, I would like to thank my scumbag brain for triggering my depression. Every time I seem to have gotten over my grandmother's passing, my brain will decide to be a scumbag and say "Eh, it's been a long time since you last called Nenek, let's call her. Eh, but wait, she already passed away last month right?", in which will make me shed a tear. If my brain is a person, I would kill it already. Fuck you brain. You are an asshole of the highest order. Usually, I wouldn't mind, but not in front of my friends, please. I will have a hard time trying to explain why am I crying out of nowhere.

Secondly, I would again thank my asshole brain for not letting me forget about Hafiz. Why can't you be like heart, and get over him. Dude, he has a girlfriend for God's sake. Let it go! It has been 6 years. He has his own life, and you have your own. He is most probably no longer the guy you know already. He changed. I've changed. I am also no longer the same person I was back then. So, if you mind, please stop being so hung up on him. Stop dreaming of him, please just forget all about him. I know your policy of forgetting things that are not important. He is not that important! FORGET HIM!

Next, I've been thinking it must be awesome for someone to have Ryan as a boyfriend. He is good looking, mature and yet playful at the same time and when he does something, he puts his mind to it, and not to mention, he knows how to dance. Not dance as in the Gangnam Style, but as in Waltz, Tango and Ballroom dancing. It's hard to find guys like that. But, here's the thing, I say all that, but somehow I don't feel attracted to him... In fact, I don't feel attracted to anyone. Not sure if low self esteem or commitment issues. Sometimes I just want to be in a relationship, especially since my older brother is getting married soon, but sometimes, I just don't feel like attaching myself to anyone. I don't feel like I am worthy of anyone. The fact that I can say to Hadi that I envy his girlfriend shows it all. If I was who I was back then, I wouldn't tell Hadi that. I'd be too shy to tell him all this, afraid that he might think it the wrong way. 

Other stuff, I have no idea why the lecturers are suddenly so excited to bring out the "ART" in the students. We have been doing a lot of multimedia stuff and suddenly the want to do traditional art media... Very funny. The thing is, I'm not sure by doing traditional instead of multimedia will cost less or not. We just have to see for this semester how it goes.

As for me, I decided that I want to change myself for the better. First of all, I want to do scaling on my teeth, as it seems to get worse instead of better. I need to go ask my mom permission to do this first. Second of all, I want to lose weight. I am sick of looking into the mirror and see this overweight girl. I want to wear all those fashionable clothing without looking like a fat ass who doesn't know what her size is. Then, I want need to go see a dermatologist to solve my skin problems, especially on my scalp. It is also getting worse. I think I can go to the government hospital for this, thus I can do it without the help of my mom. Then I want to grow out my hair and decide to look like a real girl instead. I know it will be tedious. I know it will be a lot of hassle. I just don't care. I am tired of being me! Plus, I think it's time for me to become a butterfly like my grandmother wanted me to be.

And someone has bluntly pointed out to me that I've changed. My attitude changed. According to her, I've become more heartless and not caring. Well, yes. That is what I want to achieve actually. I want to stop caring about other people's bullshit and for that, I need to be heartless. I don't really care if you fight with your boyfriend over mundane things, I don't care if your job is too tiring and your boss treats you like "Kuli Free". I especially don't care where you've been, which famous person you met or who have a crush on you. No, I don't care. Actually, I don't care about it since a long time ago, but I didn't have the heart to tell you. Now, since I am bored with things, I decided to be heartless and tell you I don't care, in which you've told me I've changed. What am I to you? Your sounding board is it? Well, you better get a new one because this sounding board is changing it's occupation.

Actually, I wanted to do all these since some time ago, but I never got the motivation to. I guess my grandmother's passing is somewhat like a trigger for me. I am actually kind of regretting that I never did this earlier for my grandmother to see. Somehow, inside I always thought that she will always be there for me, but apparently not. So obviously not. She was always the one who says that she wants to see me act more girlish, more lady like. Walk tall she said. But she is no longer here to see how I will change myself... And that will always be my regret...

++saykoji89++

++Things need to change NOW++

Day 27 - Your favorite song that doesn’t have a video

A LOT!!!! UVERworld needs to do more videos. They should make a video for every single song!!!

But the song that I wish they had a video of is Kokoro to Kokoro... 

If it had a video it would be awesome...

Day 26 - Your favorite live UVER song

I'm stuck between Kami Atsume and Core Pride.... But I really like Core Pride...

But I like SPARTA also...

I'm confused....

Can I haz these three as my favourites???

Day 25 - Number of posters you have on your wall

Sadly, I have none....

Let me cry myself to sleep now....

Day 24 - When you became a fan

I became a fan of UVERworld in 2007. At that time I was doing Physical Science major in Matriculation. There I was introduced to someone, who was also in my mentor-mentee group, but she's taking Pure Science major. The person who ended up to be my 'laling'.

She was the person who was responsible of getting me into UVERworld, although she is not a fan of them. So, Laling, I would like to thank you for introducing me to the greatest band on earth  (or so according to me). Oh, it is still the number one list of what I blame you for~

And here's a random UVERworld image~

Day 23 - Number of Uw songs you have on your iPod/mp3player

You mean I have to count? 

Hmmm......

I don't have that much. I only have 38 UVERworld songs in my phone which also serves as my MP3 player...

A part of my UVERworld collection in my phone.

It's true you know...

The saying of "you never know what you got until it's gone". It's true. I miss my grandmother so much.  It hasn't been long since she left, but my mind keep thinking, "Ah, she's at home right now". The other day I was thinking that it has been awhile since I talked to my grandmother and wanted to call her up, until I remembered that she was no longer here.

Honestly, I missed her so much. Somehow, my brain is still processing this info, so I am stuck between denial and accepting the fact. And my depression is not helping at all. My bipolar is happily having fun with my brain.  somehow, ever since that day, I felt like I've changed. Maybe it's just my depression. I don't know. I don't really know.

So guys, please cherish whatever you have now. Don't regret losing it one day. I am not saying that I regret it, but I am still in the process of accepting.

++saykoji89++

++I need to see my doctor again++

Hahahaha.

I just heard something really funny today. Some person gave me a way to help heal broken hearts, depression and bipolar. That person told me to try weeding.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

NO!

No matter how depressed I am, no matter how emotionally unstable I am, and no matter how heart broken I am, that is NOT the answer. I don't care how healthy it is, but I'm still not doing it. 

Here's the thing, I don't like addictive things. That is why I don't drink coffee, because it's addictive. Once you get, addicted, you will probably do the same thing over and over again. And THAT is boring. I don't like repetitive cycle. 

I may sound like what my doctor use to tell me, but when you feel that all hope is lost, justr remember that there is this one more person who will stay by your side. Which is our God, Allah S.W.T. Rather than doing those things, I rather increase my zikr and solat. 

Those greens are not worth it but the Zikr and solat does. They will help me in the afterlife. So take your greens and get it out of my way. 

Day 22 - Favorite UVERworld album

THIS!!!

Why? Because all the songs in here are awesome!

Day 21 - One UVERworld song that you could listen to forever

I guess it's Awayokuba Kiru. Why? I have no idea. And for the past month, that has been the only song on my playlist. I play that song when I'm about to sleep, when I'm doing my work, when I have to do business in the toilet, and when I go for a walk. It has only been that song. Just recently I've been alternating between Awayokuba and The Over.

Day 20 - Favorite UVERworld lyric

You expect me to choose one??? Only one?? Why not just just ask me if I want water or air? Or ask me whether I want to keep my left hand or my right hand?

But dramas aside, all of their song have great lyrics. I'll just give my top 3 then.

"癒えない 痛み 悲しみで

キズついた 君

もう笑えないなんて

人嫌いなんて 言葉そう言わないで "

"Being hurt by pain and sadness that can't be healed

Don't say you can't smile anymore or you hate people"

_D-tecnolife_

"君がこの世から去れば 

僕は君を追いかけこの世から発つ

一人きりの寂しさは もうない 

そんな恋をあげるよ"

"If you decided to leave this world

I will also leave this world and follow you

I will give you the kind of love

that you will never feel the loneliness of being alone anymore"

_AWAYOKUBA KIRU_

"でも 君だけが離せない

何故君だけが離せない"

"But I can't let you go

Why can't I let you go?"

_THE OVER_

Day 19 - Favorite Nobuto picture

Since Nobuto is like this playful type, so I like it when he looks serious. It makes you think "Ah, this guy is really good looking"

Day 18 - Favorite Shintarou picture

This picture of him and Takuya together. They seemed like they are in high school, during recess browsing through a magazine. And Takuya will be like: "Oh, this band is awesome. I heard them before", and Shin-chan would say: "Eh, they don't look that sugoii to me *slurps drink loudly*"

Day 17 - Favorite Akira picture

It has to be this picture. Seriously, Akira, what the hell are you doing? Painting your shoes? In the middle of a hallway? Seriously? Seriously?

Day 16 - Favorite Katsuya picture

When he's doing the UVERjump with his guitar~

Day 15 - Favorite TAKUYA picture

Again I am undecided between 2 pictures.

The first one is this.

It's a picture of Takuya holding our baby his stylist's baby. I like this picture because of his facial expression. So genuinely blissful. And also how he gently holds the baby. I can tell that Takuya is going to be a great father to our children in the future.

The next picture is this.

Tell me who doesn't love those abs. He may not have a perfect 6-packs but it's perfect enough for me. I don't really like a guy who is too muscular. Seems too fake. Yes, although the muscles are real, I still don't like muscular guys. I prefer mine slender with the perfect amount of muscles in the right places.

Day 14 - Favorite UVERworld picture

THIS!

Ever since I start discovering UVERworld, this has always been my favourite picture of the group because for once, you get to see Shin-chan do the UVERjump as well. Usually he can't do it because for obvious reasons, he is the drummer. Anyway, the water effect makes it even much awesome. Oh, this may be a minor reason, but it's because I have the exact same shoes as Takuya is wearing in this picture except mine is blue.

Day 13 - Favorite music video

You mean, favourite music video so far. Hmm... it's a tie between Awayokuba and THE OVER. But from the story telling point of view, it has to be THE OVER. The song is already sad enough (for me at least) and when you add the video, it makes me want to marry Takuya this instant!

Anyway, here is the video of UVERworld's latest single, THE OVER.

Day 12 - Something you love about Nobuto

First thing first! The thing that I like about Nobuto is the fact he has the same birth date as ME!!! Yeah, for all you people out there who didn't know, our birth date is on the 14th February, which is VALENTINES DAY!!.  I have never known anyone who shares the same birth date with me before.

The second thing I like about him, is his ability, or in his case inability to sing. He sucks at singing. Any of you guys heard him sing before? If you haven't don't worry, I will provide a video. His singing may sucks as hell (but really cute in a way) but his bass playing is awesome!

And lastly, it's his clumsiness. Even Takuya had fun teasing about his clumsiness!

Day 11 - Something you love about Shintarou

His drumming skills. And his playfulness. And his hobby of reading manga. But mainly his drumming skills. Let me post a few videos to show off his drumming skills.

Day 10 - Something you love about Akira

If you can play this video, it shows all the awesome things I like about Akira.

alt video.

And if you can't, what I like about Akira is his goatee (obviously), his wicked guitar solo (my friend told me to do an acoustic guitar solo is difficult and Akira did it perfectly) and his UVERjump. Wait... I like everyone's UVERjump... =_=;;

Day 9 - Something you love about Katsuya

Ah, Leader-san wa ne...

I like how he seemed to be the mother of the group (Cooking for them)

I also like the playful and bakawaii leader~

Ka...KAWAIII~~~

I like the part where Takuya was surprised. He's so cute~~~ Oh, and Shin-chan is also cute in here....

P/s: I should really get my work done... Procrastinating at it's finest.

Another weird dream....

So to add to my collection of weird dreams, I had another one last night. And again, thanks to my scumbag brain, I dreamed of Hafiz. Okay, this is getting ridiculous. I am supposed to be over him. I hardly think of him. But why the hell is he in my dreams? Anyway, in my dream, there were all my ex-schoolmates from Labuan. 

I can remember my dream from one point. An accident. So, apparently Hafiz got into an accident and both his legs had to be amputated. (I know this is mean but believe me, it was not me who controlled the dream. It was my scumbag brain) After that incident, we don't talk at all because I'm afraid that I might say something insensitive to him. 

Somehow, after that, we had a class trip or something to Johor. (Is there no other place?) I was walking with a friend around a shopping complex when I went to wander around on my own when I saw Hafiz walking (yes, walking, even though he had his legs amputated from thighs down) with Rohaimin. Before I coukd get away, Rohaimin saw me first and asked me to join them. I wanted to decline but I don't want it to be super obvious that I'm avoiding Hafiz. So, I  accepted Rohaimin's invitation.

But with Rohaimin being himself, a few minutes later he excused himself by wating to go to the toilet, but moments later we saw him taking the escalator upwards toward the next floor. So, what is left now is this awkward me and Hafiz. To distract myself, I quickly went to this hobby shop which apparently sold SasuNaru item, I was hoping this would disgust him and he will leave on his own accord. But my thoughts were wrong. He volunteered to pay for this awesome  merchandise. 

And apparently, after that, the awkwardness began to loosen up. We chatted like we used to before my stupid mouth go ask him this question, "I thought you had your legs cut off. How come you can walk?" Lucky for me, he didn't kill me on the spot and just answered that he was wearing prosthetic legs. And after this, I woke up from this weird dream. I was like "fuck you brain. Is there no other person to dream of? You can always dream of Takuya, you know"

Then I went back to sleep again, only to dream that I went grocery shopping with Nien's sister. (well, seriously brain?) She drove the car super fast to a shopping mall that looks awfully familiar but I can't remember where. And the best part, we go lost in there. Then I woke up again. 

Moral of the story, my brain is a scumbag. End of story

Scumbag brain

Yes, scumbag brain. Dear brain, please just get over that guy. It is frustrating! It has been years, just get over him already! There is no reason to remember him out of the blue.  That guy also is probably happy with his girlfriend. 

Seriously, it is really frustrating to have a dream of him only to wake up and realize that you can't have him anyway. Just remember that he is no longer the person you knew... That person is gone. Everyone changes and no one stays the same. Not even me.

So, now I shall go back to my fangirling world. Which, I have no idea why, my heart aches for Takuya. Ini lagi tidak realistik. How can I have Takuya when he is all the way in Japan? But it's just that my heart feels empty and that emptiness hurts whenever I hear his voice. Ah, I want to marry Takuya. Shimizu-san, Kekkon shitai desu. Kekkon shimasu, Shimizu-san.

Day 8 - Something you love about TAKUYA

What I don't like about Takuya would be a shorter explanation. I love almost everything about Takuya. Especially is voice. When I first heard of the band, I was thinking to myself, "wow, the vocalist has an awesome vocal". It is as if whatever feelings he is trying to convey, had reached my heart properly. 

So, here's a video of Takuya singing an alcapella version of Core Pride so you judge his voice yourself.

Day 7 - Favorite song from “LAST”

It would be Kokoro to Kokoro. It would definitely be Kokoro to Kokoro. The main reason was because during a live, Takuya accidentally mixed up the first chorus of the song and the face he did later was so adorable. Now, whenever I sing this song, during the first chorus I would also mixed up the lyrics. Not on purpose, I swear! It's just the way Takuya did the face was UVERcute that it etched itself into my memory.

You are wondering which one? Play the video and you will know.

Day 6 - Favorite song from “AwakEVE”

It's a tough contest between Gekidou and Yura Yura. Both songs are really nice to listen to... It's hard for me to make a decision, so I'm just going to say both. My favourite song from this album would be Gekidou AND Yura Yura.

Day 5 - Favorite song from “PROGLUTION”

Haha, this one is pretty easy. Hands down, it would be "Kami Atsume". This song is super catchy and although I usually listen closely to the lyrics, but this is one song where the lyrics doesn't matter because the music itself is awesome.

Day 4 - Favorite song from “BUGRIGHT”

From this album, my favourite song would have to be "Kimi no Suki na Uta". I like this ballad song the most out of other UVERworld's slow paced songs. The lyrics of this song just melts my heart...

Kimi no suki na uta live version.

Day 3 - Favorite song from “Timeless”

That would be "Ai ta Kokoro". This is the second song from UVERworld that I've heard and I had also fallen in love with this song when I first heard it. What attracted me the most to this song is Takuya's Engrish pronunciation and his rapping skills.

Day 2 - First Uw song you ever heard

The first UVERworld song that I ever heard is D-technolife. A dear friend introduced me to the group and this is their first song she let me hear. I was in love with the song. and the lyrics in an instant. This song is also a song that kinda save my life somehow. 

To that person who made me listen to this song the first time (you know who you are), thank you so much for giving me something to obsess on~

Day 1 - Favorite UVER member

This awesome guy also known as my hubby, TAKUYA∞. Real name is Shimizu Takuya, born on 21st December 1979, which is 10 years older than me. 

Why exactly do I like Takuya∞?

Because he's my everything. But seriously, it's because he looks exactly like my OC Harusawa Kenji. Physically they look similar. The way their hair is, the ear piercing, the looks. I created Kenji in 2004, so when I saw Takuya∞ years later, I was so shocked to see the resemblance. My wish of seeing the real live counter part of my OC has come true. And that is one of the main contributing reasons why I like Takuya∞. My other reasons would probably be the same as the other fangirls.

31 days of UVERworld

Day 1 - Favorite UVER member

Day 2 - First Uw song you ever heard

Day 3 - Favorite song from “Timeless”

Day 4 - Favorite song from “BUGRIGHT”

Day 5 - Favorite song from “PROGLUTION” 

Day 6 - Favorite song from “AwakEVE”

Day 7 - Favorite song from “LAST”

Day 8 - Something you love about TAKUYA

Day 9 - Something you love about Katsuya

Day 10 - Something you love about Akira

Day 11 - Something you love about Shintarou

Day 12 - Something you love about Nobuto

Day 13 - Favorite music video

Day 14 - Favorite UVERworld picture

Day 15 - Favorite TAKUYA picture

Day 16 - Favorite Katsuya picture

Day 17 - Favorite Akira picture

Day 18 - Favorite Shintarou picture

Day 19 - Favorite Nobuto picture

Day 20 - Favorite UVERworld lyric

Day 21 - One UVERworld song that you could listen to forever

Day 22 - Favorite UVERworld album

Day 23 - Number of Uw songs you have on your iPod/mp3player

Day 24 - When you became a fan

Day 25 - Number of posters you have on your wall

Day 26 - Your favorite live UVER song

Day 27 - Your favorite song that doesn’t have a video

Day 28 - Favourite live show

Day 29 - The most special Uw moment 

Day 30 - An UVER song that makes you sad

Day 31 - An UVER song that makes you happy

But I am not going to post it day by day since it's annoying. I'll just post how many I want to post at once. So don't complain about it.

My life according to UVERworld

Stolen from Yumi on FB. >D

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 12 (or a million) people you like. You can’t use the band I used. Do not repeat a song title. It’s a lot harder than you think! Repost as “My Life According to (ARTIST NAME)”

Are you a male or female?
I am Rin

Describe yourself:
PRIME

How do you feel:
Empty96

Describe where you currently live:
Home Binetsu 39°C

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Shaka Beach ~Laka Laka La~

Your favorite form of transportation:
Sora

Your best friend is:
7th Trigger

Your favorite color is:
Colors of the Heart

What’s the weather like:
Rainy

Favorite time of day:
51%

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
THE OVER

What is life to you:
D-Technolife

Your fear:
Change

What is the best advice you have to give:
Live everyday as your last day

If you could change your name, you would change it to:
Qualia

Thought for the Day:
Chance!

How I would like to die:
Just break the limit!

My soul’s present condition:
Shamrock

My motto:
Itsuka Kanarazu Shinu Koto wo Wasurena

In case if anybody wants it...

I have a whole lot of UVERworld collection I got before it was taken of the internet. Some with English subs but most of them don't. I'll list it out here, and if anybody is interested to download it, leave me your email address in the comment section and I'll email you the link.

TOUR

1. PROGULATION TOUR 2008

2. AWAKEVE TOUR 2009

3. X-MAS PREMIUM LIVE 2011

PV

1. D-TECHNOLIFE

2. JUST MELODY

3. COLORS OF THE HEART

4. SHAMROCK

5. KIMI NO SUKI NA UTA

6. SHAKA BEACH ~LAKA LAKA LA~

7. UKIYO CROSSING

8. GEKIDOU

9. JUST BREAK THE LIMIT

10. KOISHIKUTE

11. GO-ON

12. NO.1

13. 7TH TRIGGER

14. AWAYOKUBA~KIRU

15. 99/100 DAMASHI NO TETSU

16. ROOTS

17. HAKUCHUUMU

18. ITSUKA KANARAZU SHINU KOTO WO WASURENA

19. ISSEKI NO TOJIRU TOKYO MIDNIGHT SUN

20. QUALIA

21. CORE PRIDE

LIVE

1. ABINGDON BOYS SCHOOL feat. UVERworld SOUEN

2. GOLD

3. CORE PRIDE CHORUS Acapella

4. SHOUSHA OKUBYOMONO

EXTRAS

1. LAST TOUR OMAKE

2. MAKING OF 99/100 DAMASHI NO TETSU 

3. UVERworld THE HISTORY 2012

4. UVERworld LIVE on XMAS Digest

I used to have much more but my laptop got formatted and this is what I have left. 

Just tell me what you want and I'll email the link to you.

++saykoji89++

++Sharing is Caring++

I WANT TAKUYA∞

See this? This is SHIRUBA AKUSE volume 14. As you can see, Takuya from UVERworld made as the cover. As an UVERworld fan, I want to have a copy of this magazine. The price is give or take RM54. I seriously wanted it. I was already on the Kinokuniya's website to place an order for the copy. Who the hell cares if I can't read Japanese, I just want to own it for the sake of Takuya's pictures.

But you know what, my scumbag brain had to ruined the moment when I was about to click the confirm button. It asked me, are you sure this magazine is that worth it? Even if you will have  to sacrifice 5 1/2 days worth of food allowance? So, I thought back, and decided not to buy it, thanks to my stupid but rational brain.

So if anyone has a copy of this magazine, can you please scan for me the pictures of Takuya? My heart will be happy to receive it. My brain has won the argument again for this time. But heed my words, if by any chance UVERworld is coming for a Malaysian live event, I don't give a fuck what my brain wants to say, but I will absolutely go!

++saykoji89++

++I have a love/hate relationship with my brain++