Please Understand

If you found this by any chance, congratulations. You have finally found my blog where I usually reveal my utmost secrets to. Maybe not my utmost secrets, as those are reserved for my diary, but my blog comes second place close. And judging by your awesome skill of finding things on the net, it must have taken you a long way to find this. So once again I offer you my congratulations.

By the time you are reading this, you would probably have notice why I started ignoring you/ avoiding you. You must think that I hate you or there's a third person involved in this. Rest assured that this is all based on my own decisions and I don't hate you. No, seriously, I don't hate you. It's quite the opposite actually. I like you. I really, really like you.

And now you must think, if I really like you, why am I avoiding you to the point as if I hate you. It's simple really. That's because I'm giving up on you. Actually, I plan to give up on you a long time ago, but you are seriously making it difficult for me to do so. And, despite that, you also keep making me have high hopes for you. Every time I want to forget you, you'll come around, but when I want you, you're gone until the next time I'll try to forget you.

I just want to say, good luck in whatever you do, stop getting mad all the time and take care of your health. And that if you need anything, you know where to find me. Here. I'll be missing you a lot but I need you to understand that I have to move on. Thanks for everything though. I'll be in touch when I'm not so hung up over you.

++saykoji89++

++watching you with another hurts me++

I hate this error

Random Picture

Making plans

So, it's already 2012. Happy New Year to all my readers (if I have any). So, since last night I have been making plans to travel to Japan in 5 years time. I started to look at the prices for airfare, hotels, transportation, theme park and what not. I just concluded that I need RM50,000 for the holiday. (This includes air tickets, hotel and 1,000,000 JPY)

Then I thought, I could give the holiday plans to my parents instead. You know, plan the holiday, pay for everything and on their anniversary hand them their tickets and say "Ma, you better pack your bags cause your plane leaves in 12 hours" or something like that. But than I thought, the surprise trip will be a bit hard, getting the visas and everything.... Hard, but not impossible.

So, my 2017 resolution is to send my parents on a surprise holiday. (If I'm still alive or the world hasn't end yet.)

Fuck This

I have no idea what just happened. Okay, maybe not just happened, and maybe it's been dragging on for quite sometime now. I can't bitch at twitter, since some people will call it spamming with my mood swings. And I can't post it on facebook doesn't seem private any longer. I can only rely on my blog then.

Anyway, I was scrolling through FB just now and I found this comment left on a page by one of my supposedly friends on fb. When I read it, I was like "what the fuck?". I know it may or may not seem to target at me or my clique of friends but seriously, what the fuck?

Call me over-thinking or paranoid but I have a feeling there is a conspiracy somewhere. I get the feeling that people seem to think I hate them. When I want to hate, I'll hate. But for now, I don't see any reason to hate anyone. Even when I say I hate you, it's in a playful tone. If I really hate you, I wouldn't give a fuck about you.

And yes, I am random. I have mood swings. Happy? Wanna know why I have mood swings? Want to know why I am random? It's because I have ADHD and Bipolar. Have no clue about that, go google it. If you can read this why not google it, I have no time explaining to the likes of you. But, wait. Even if you did read about it on google, you would know how it feels, asshole. Cause you don't go through it.

You never did feel how it's like to cry for no apparent reason. You never did feel how it's like to be so alone in the most crowded place. You never know how it's like to have blades tearing your skin when you prefer physical pain rather than emotional pains. You never did feel what it's like to smile when all you want to do is cry and go rampage. You never did feel what it's like to be me. And yet you people fucking judged me. I never judged you.

Yes, I'm being emo, but who the hell cares. This is just crossing the boundaries. Even I have my limits to where I can tolerate this bloody thing. I don't give a damn if you're reading this or not, but I just want you to know, fuck you. Thank you for being the ultimate hypocrite. I have never expected that from you. Job well done. If you're being a hypocrite, I can be one too.

I don't hate people without a reason and this, my friend, is a good enough reason for me.

Twitter

Not active here. Find me on Twitter.

Halloween event

My Halloween night with the ghost house event rolling on. This is me and my club prez. Guess which one is me~ Hint: I wear a hoodie~ hahahahaha~

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY (although it has passed)

++saykoji89++

++tired and sick++

Itsuka kanarazu koto wa wasurena

This is the PV for UVERworld's single Itsuka Kanarazu Koto wa Wasurena which if literally translated would mean "Don't forget that you will surely die one day"

This song is one of my favourite songs from UVERworld after Kami Atsume and before Hakuchuumu... Anyway, credit goes to ambersubs for subbing the video. Enjoy~

++saykoji89++

++UVERworld always comes out with a song that goes with my mood++

Giving all the fuck

Wow, I am amazed by some people who doesn't know the word responsibility. You must have led an easy life. Anything that burdens you, dump it. Pass it to someone else. Leave the project. Wow, just.... wow...

I am not saying that I am the most responsible person on earth. I'm not even close. But here's the thing, I don't ditch it last minute. Yes, there are a lot of things that I've fucked up in my life. But I faced the damn thing until the end of the fucked up thing even if I know it will fail for sure. Why? Because I feel that it's not fair for me to give up easily when others have to face the failure.

Yes, I have been given a position that scares me if I fail, and yes, I did fail the position epicly. But the thing is I didn't gave up. And I was also given stuff that I hated and terrified of to handle. Yes, I was afraid but I took time to adjust and went on with it. Scared as hell, yes. Project complete, yes.

So I am really, really impressed with people who can leave whatever their working on without a single fuck. Impressed, I am but annoyed when they bitch about it to their other friends. Bitch, do you even think what shit you left for others who have to handle? You, my friend, deserve a clap, in your face, with 2 cymbals...

++saykoji89++

So fucked up

My life at the moment is a big bowl of crap. Although it might not seem like it but that is exactly what I'm feeling right now. I want to scream, cry, throw something at someone, punch them till I feel better but somehow I can't bring myself to do anything... And yes, I also felt like cutting myself like I used to do but I promised myself not to. Cutting is kinda like a drug, at first you do it only a bit but sooner or later you'll get addicted to it and I'll be back at square one.

I am so fed up with everything that I can't even cry even if it hurts so much. Everyday I smile, I laugh with others but somehow it's all on the outside. On the inside, it still hurts. It's painful. I'm surrounded by people yet I feel very lonely. And that is the worst loneliness of all.

Currently everything pisses me off. Even things that I normally don't give a fuck to. But the thing that pisses me off the most right now is that everytime I try to get a proper sleep, there would be these annoying noises that will wake me up. Fuck those. I hate myself for unable to ignore all those noises and just continue to sleep like normal people would.

Moral of the story: I just need some proper fucking sleep before I drive myself insane.

To Kaizu and Kyoko

I need this book

Seriously....

Oh so true

But you can never be too careful so you come up with all this creative names to confuse him even more, just in case he's reading your blog.

Been there,

Done that,

Still doing it~

++saykoji89++

++damn flu++

Genius~

'So long as we maybe;

Till the time we separate,

Always be with me.

You must never

At all forget your duties towards me.

While I am far,

Always think of me,

Yet still managing the house,

For me.

Rest assure that till the time you get,

Old, I will watch over you.

My time,

My strength, will be for us both for,

Ever.'

++saykoji89++

++I love daddy++

I don't know why I still do this..

This is exactly how I feel when I get a text from someone I hardly knew or someone I like... I'll type and delete, then typed again and delete it again and the process goes on until I feel like the reply won't make me sound like some idiot psychopath or some bastard with sticks up their ass.

Usually the ones who'll get replies without me needing to edit and 'tapis' my text is my family and laling and kyoko since they already knew my crazy randomness, Even my mom say, if I start acting normal, something is wrong with me.

But for everyone else, especially the one I'm awkward with, yes, I'll stare at the text for 15 minutes trying to think of a proper response. The less awkward I am with you, the faster you'll get my replies..

++saykoji89++

++I'm anti-social++

The lies teachers told us...

Half-assed doodles

This are the doodles I did during the holidays.. I'm so lazy to use the scanner thus I only took using my phone camera. (My dad's actually) So... enjoy?

++saykoji89++

++so lazy to edit the pics++

No updates...

Not much update for today, but I'll just upload whatever doodle I did during this holiday break....

....tomorrow.

It's not that I don't want to upload it, it's just that the scanner is in my parents room. So, I'll scan it tomorrow, and post it up tomorrow. If I don't.... I'll will never eat PB&J ever again...

++saykoji89++

++I failed my mission++

My name according to Urban Dictionary

LOL, I didn't know people with the same name as me has this kind of characteristic? But I like the first definition, there's a bit of truth in there... I think..

++saykoji89++

++In so much pain++