Saturday, July 25, 2015

Re: Birth

I hate quiet nights, my anxiety flares up and I can’t sleep
If I cried it out I’d feel better, but crying just makes me thirsty

The truth is, see, even now I can’t stop shaking
I feel like something’s about to break
Don’t just say “It’s OK”
I’m not that strong

In my heart, the words and feelings I’d locked away
Have shaken off reason and begun to run riot again
I get it, already! Don’t glare at me with such a scary expression
Please, just leave me alone for a little while

I don’t want to do the things I love, I’m so afraid of tomorrow I want to die
If I ran away I’d feel better, but if I run away I’ll just want to die of shame

I pretend to be enjoying myself even though I’m not
What for? Who am I doing it for?
What should I do next? Should I smile again?
I don’t know, I can’t find the answer

Shattered, I move to a high place, I’m almost there
But he always keeps getting in the way
There’s something I want so much to tell him, but I can’t say it well
Even though I’m screaming so close to him

I just want to feel better now, but I don’t want to give up
I asked myself again
I keep losing heart, thinking “I can’t go any further...I can’t walk anymore”
But I’ve still managed to keep walking, right?


Mi said...

Write what you want to tell him in a letter. Put it in an envelope and address it to the future you. A year from now, 2 years....whenever you want. If you write it out, you at least have let it out in a sense might bring some relief :)
You've been walking so don't give up now!! And if hurts to smile or pretend, then don't. Scream if you have to, talk to someone you trust or a therapist if you don't think there is anyone around. Anything but give up!! Your life is important and worth fighting for :)

Praying for you.