So fucked up

My life at the moment is a big bowl of crap. Although it might not seem like it but that is exactly what I'm feeling right now. I want to scream, cry, throw something at someone, punch them till I feel better but somehow I can't bring myself to do anything... And yes, I also felt like cutting myself like I used to do but I promised myself not to. Cutting is kinda like a drug, at first you do it only a bit but sooner or later you'll get addicted to it and I'll be back at square one.

I am so fed up with everything that I can't even cry even if it hurts so much. Everyday I smile, I laugh with others but somehow it's all on the outside. On the inside, it still hurts. It's painful. I'm surrounded by people yet I feel very lonely. And that is the worst loneliness of all.

Currently everything pisses me off. Even things that I normally don't give a fuck to. But the thing that pisses me off the most right now is that everytime I try to get a proper sleep, there would be these annoying noises that will wake me up. Fuck those. I hate myself for unable to ignore all those noises and just continue to sleep like normal people would.

Moral of the story: I just need some proper fucking sleep before I drive myself insane.