Promote~

This is the event I'm taking part in for next semester. Handling it makes me go crazy and I feel like killing myself for a few times but this will one day be a good experience for me. Kind of like a training before I go deal with the real world.

But anyways, come and join in the fun~~~

++saykoji89++

++hahahaha++

Be grateful

Last night, my friend asked, "What is your best experience?" and to which my other friend replied he can't say what is best or bad experience as anything he's gone through are interesting experience, both bad and good, but there's lesson behind it...

which makes me wonder about my own experience, and in every which one I have something to complain about... Which also makes me realize that I am a spoiled brat. I got (almost) everything I ever asked for. Why am I complaining?

Ever since small, my parents took me on vacations to all sorts of places while some people hardly even leave their own state. I got to eat delicious food every night while some people struggle to eat just for a day. I complain the lack of internet while some people do not even know how to operate a PC.

Just today, I was complaining about the "extreme" heat in Alor Setar ever since the plane landed. Complain and complain. Then my dad took me out to fetch my cousin from his collage. I was just about to complain about the super hot weather when I saw a little girl, around 9 or 10, walking home (which the nearest house I see is like 3 km away) under the hot sun. I was in the car, with air conditioner, and that girl is walking under the hot sun... I was speechless. Instead of being grateful that my dad had a car with a/c, I was complaining like some spoiled brat (which actually the type of person I hate)

So, I'm trying to change my ways and try to stop and think before I complain about anything...

++saykoji89++

++It hurts when sudden realization hits you++

I hate decisions...

I am on the brink of dying with this one decision that I have to make.

SHOULD I CUT MY HAIR OR NOT???

If I cut my hair short:

• I have to deal with the curl every day
• My hair will be a mess every morning thanks to Mr. Pillow
• No dandruff and falling hair

If I leave my hair long:

• It's gonna be extra hot on bloody warm days
• Easier to manage (use fingers oso can)
• NO BLOODY CURL
• Hair keeps falling off

So, I don't know what to do now... Like they say, "Rambut itu mahkota wanita" (Hair is a woman's throne) [my foot].

++saykoji89++

++Hair, y u give me problems??++

Have you ever?

Have you ever lived my life,

Spent one minute in my shoes?

If you haven't tell me why

You judge me like you do?

Have you woke up in the morning

Wondering if it was your last day on earth?

Have you ever left your house

Unsure if you'd return?

Have you ever sat beneath the stars

Hoping Good will hear?

Have you ever sent your loved ones away

When you wish that they could be near?

Have you ever considered suicide

As the only way?

Have you ever tried to hide yourself

Behind the things you say?

Have you ever wanted to protect

Your friends and everyone in sight?

Have you ever felt so much pain

That you cried yourself to sleep at night?

Have you ever lived my life,

Spent one minute in my shoes?

If you haven't tell me why

You judge me like you do?

formspring.me

Questions?... http://formspring.me/saykoji89

Hate this feeling

Not that I don't like having bipolar, I love them. I really do. But the pain in the ass thing is when I have been in a long period of hyper/manic mood. Not that I say being too happy is not good for me, well actually, that is what I'm trying to say. I've been too happy lately. And now the depressed mood finally kicks in, and I am in a total mess.

Because I was hyper for a long time, when my mood starts to drop, it's reaching rock bottom. I want scream, I want to cry but I can't. I want to hurt myself but I can't. I feel hopeless. I feel sad. I feel angry, but I can't find the reason for it. I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind...

Even with people around me, I feel lonely. I feel like I can't connect with anyone. I feel like I'm invisible.

++saykoji89++

++I hate this++

I Don't Understand

I don't understand you. One minute you're happy and the other you start getting pissed off. And I thought I had bipolar. Unless you tell me, I won't know since I'm too oblivious to my surroundings.

++saykoji89++

++I don't give a damn anymore++

In My World

Dark side in my heart is
a grief from the past that cannot be wiped away.
It's alright, for I don't actually give a damn.
I fired my blaster, and stretched out my hands.
I've detached my life from myself,
so that I could gaze into the picture frame.
However, in there, there's no proof of my existence,
and I can barely even protect my very self.

The path I've been avoiding and unable to pass has been like this for a while.
And then, everyone has disappeared off it...

Destiny can eat shit and die.
If I can't achieve something, I will cry for pride.
Ah, ah, ah, alone in my world,
an aria of love resounds.
Things such as the distorted real world, twisted wishes,
or the ideals and tomorrows that are crumbling away,
they've become so tedious that I want to just throw them away.
Good bye, precious life.

Dark cloud in my heart is
clearing up, and light is shining onto my path.
Let's fight, without any fear,
with a double-edged sword brandished over our head.
My life is not so lonesome,
for I am being guided by the voices of my comrades.
With the proof of my existence reaffirmed,
I released my very self.

The path I've been avoiding and unable to pass has always been like this.
Now my hesitation has completely dissipated...

Destiny can eat shit and die.
I will be a reckless daredevil and cry for pride.
Ah, ah, ah, alone in my world,
I can hear an aria of love.
Things such as the writhed world, wishes to be fulfilled,
or weak grumblings, I have already crushed them with my hands.
The more I threw it away, the more precious it became;
it's my precious life.

Destiny can eat shit and die.
If I can't achieve something, I will cry for pride.
Ah, ah, ah, alone in my world,
an aria of love resounds.
Things such as the distorted real world, twisted wishes,
or the ideals and tomorrows that are crumbling away,
they've become so tedious that I want to just throw them away.
Good bye, precious life.

I will simply repaint my destiny.
Even if I become covered in wounds, I'll try for pride.
Ah, ah, ah, alone in my world,
I still sing about love.
Things such as the writhed world, wishes to be fulfilled,
or the bond and the future we are starting to build up and consolidate,
they are still precious in the end even when I have thrown them away.
It's my precious life.

Today~~

This morning, when I woke up I was like...

YOSH.... LET'S GET SOME WORK DONE TODAY!!

But after a few hours, I was like...

Aw, fuck.... Now I'm bored...

So, my cousin called and ask me to go out with her, and I was like...

Yatta! Saved from my awful boredom~~

Then, when we came back I was like...

Ah... now I'm bored again...

So, I turned on my facebook and saw the event I was supposed to do is now rolling in action and I'm swamped with tonnes of work. So, naturally I was like...

FFUUUUUUU!!!! Why so many things to do!!!

To release stress I now go watch Titanic, in which I was like...

Awwww..... How sweet.... Too bad they died..

So, that is basically my day today. How was yours?

++saykoji89++

++Boredom kills me++

Thank You

I'd like to thank this person I met somewhat during this year. Regretfully before meeting this person, I am sad to say that I have been neglecting my daily religious duties. But somehow after the meeting, I began to realize how I was wrong in so many ways.

This person taught me that you don't have to push away your duties to fully enjoy our youthful life. This person also taught me that you may ignore The Almighty, but He never ignores you. You might hate whatever challenges He puts you through, but it is only for your good later in life.

This reminds me of a story I heard before from the Ustaz that taught me when I was younger. There was a guy who asked from God a flower and a butterfly, but God only gave him a plant and a caterpillar. At first the man was frustrated but after time goes by, the plant bloomed the most beautiful flower and the caterpillar turns into the most beautiful butterfly. Moral? Good things comes for those who wait.

Anyway, to the person who may or may not read this, I'd like to thank you for making me realizing this although you might have not spoken a word about it, but it was your actions that made me realize it... Thank you.

Who Am I To Say - Hope

Love of my life, my soulmate
You're my best friend
Part of me like breathing
Now half of me is left

I don't know anything at all
Who am I to say you love me
I don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you need me

Color me blue I'm lost in you
Don't know why I'm still waiting
Many moons have come and gone
Don't know why I'm still searching

Don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you love me
I don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you need me

Hmmm hmmm mmm
Uhhh oohhh aahhh
Hooo aahhh ohh ohhh

Now you're a song I love to sing
Never thought it'd feel so free
Now I know what's meant to be
And that's okay with me

But who am I to say you love me
And who am I to say you need me
And who am I to say you love me

Mmmm Hmmm

I don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you love me
I don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you need me
I don't know anything at all

I don't know anything at all
I don't know anything at all
I don't know anything at all

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

The best version I've heard by far... Makes me wanna go somewhere over the rainbow as well... Too bad I don't know when I'll get the chance too...

++saykoji89++

++somewhere over the rainbow, I'll find the nyan cat++

My New Babies~

For Raya this year, I got myself these new babes~

It's a Nike, although I do prefer Adidas, but who could resist the blue-ness~~~

Oh, and there was this one orange and blue Adidas shoes but my mom wouldn't let me buy them as she said they were an absurd colour combination. But, ma~ I learned in class that blue and orange are complimentary colours~~~

Whatever, as long as I have my new babies~~

++saykoji89++

++listening to Sinetron theme songs++