Sad to be an Entertainer

Currently, I have to say that I am head over heels with Super Junior's Kim Heechul. Not only he is very good looking, but he is ultimately crazy and happy-go-lucky too. Or so I thought. Most people know Heechul from his ongoing craziness and pranks. I dare you to look at him once and say, "this is so not my type.."(girls only)

Heechul oppa while he is modeling for NOR clothings. I should get one also..

Ladies, This is as cute as it gets.

Anyway, I wanted to get to Heechul's mini homepage and see what he has written out. Unfortunately, he has shut down (or closed) his HP because there are this so called 'anti-fans' that keep threatening his family and friends. I know Heechul love his family and friends more than anything. There are also rumours saying that right now, he is in depression. I've been into that state before, and let me tell you guys that life doesn't look so good from that point of view.

Is it really a wrong thing to do by being an entertainer? All they did was entertain us. Even if there is someone out there who hates Heechul or any other artist, can't they keep their mouth shut? People don't exist in this world just to make YOU happy. You should really consider other people feelings. There is this one post by Heechul that makes me wanna cry reading it.

After I came back a little while ago, I turned on the internet

and typed in the name 'Kim Heechul'

it might seem funny but.. I haven't searched for my name

before.. almost never..

how should I put it.. it seems unbecoming and..

except for game sites, I don't go on the internet..

Also, it's better not to read any internet posts at all..

is what I thought..

because I received so much insults against my family

when I first debuted(-┏)

Then about 4 years? It's been more than 4 years..

for the first time in a long while, I read various posts

posts about me.. related search items.. new stories..

surprising posts..

I went into blogs.. pictures of me that I didn't know about..

incidents related to me..

It made me think.. I really receive a lot of love

It's difficult to say thanks.. I was someone who was

embarrassed even to just hear the words, but..

even though it made me squirm a bit..ㅋ I thought..

folks are gracious enough to like me a lot

And through other people, I visited various cafes

Because my password is always changed..

it's difficult for me to join using my own

The saddest thing is that even if I change my phone number,

everyone seems to know (the new number) within 24 hours..

Anyways, the thing I realized after visiting all sorts of cafes..

there are a lot of people who really dislike me also..

is what I thoughtㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Even from an early age, I was a kid who divided people's

opinions (likes and dislikes) so.. I laughed a bit

'Even getting older, nothing's changed'

Today was a day that I didn't have any energy so

I feebly read posts about myself..

There were a lot of posts that made me frown, but

there were also posts that made fun of me and yet still

contained some senseㅋㅋ

##################### <<>

(regarding rumors that have been floating around)

There were nicknames that had originality

and some that were experts of language..ㅋ

That's not to say that they were good(-┏)

It made me feel bad, but it was a bit humorousㅋㅋ

If I say that it's true, are you going to say that it's true..

and if I say it's not true, are you going to say it's not?^-^

(in response to those who wanted him to respond to the rumors)

I opened up both the fan cafe and anti cafe at the same time

and went back and forth from one to another ..

before I could get a sense that I liked or disliked something,

the one thing that came to my mind

'Being alive in itself is really something to be happy about..'

why.. you know the feeling.. being really happy just to be

breathing..

I want to be able to go on a trip by myself..

a place with a mountain where a river flows..

There are often times when I look at the clouds moving

above the sky and stare blankly without a thought

and times when I stare intensely at the hands on a clock..

lately I've been doing that a lot

I no longer have any pictures to post on my minihompy..

and it's been a long time since I've taken a self-camera pic..

Having to change my password often.. getting hacked..

I thought of getting rid of my hompy..

Oftentimes I talk to my fans about this and that

I guess it's something obvious, but..

they absolutely won't let me get rid of it(-┏)

My childhood friends have gotten married and..

have cute babies.. now I have kids who call me uncle^-^

'Who am I going to get married to in the future..',

'Am I going to be able to get married..'

I don't know when, but the feeling of loving someone has

faded

my heart beating faster.. butterflies.. heart being cold..

all those feelings have disappeared..

Drinking soju at home alone

because I don't like places with a lot of people..

Smoking a cigarette after quitting.. then quitting..

then smoking.. then quitting again..

Getting older and wiser..

doesn't always seem to be a good thing

My eyes which should look to the future

keeps getting entangled in only reminiscence..

There was a book that I was writing while carrying

around my laptop

The title 'Sellectice and His Friend Karrion'

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

It contained things I wrote when I was young and

things that I thought about

Of course, it all disappeared when I got in the accident..ㅋㅋ

I like writing so much so that it's still a dream of mine

Saying that I have a 'dream'..

it seems somewhat awkward and a bit silly

Right now

I've been writing this post for nearly 3 hours..ㅋ

listening to this song and that..

looking outside then looking at Heebum..

Right now Choi Jae Hoon-nim's

'잊을 수 없는 너 (You Whom I Can't Forget)' is playing

I bought this latest album too.. Choi Jae Hoon-nim whose

songs are extremely touching..

별리 (Separation), 안녕 (Goodbye), 널 보낸 후에 (After Letting

You Go), 마지막 비 (Last Rain), 슬픈 운명 (Sad Destiny)

etc. etc..ㅠ_ㅠ

FT Island's '사랑하지마요 (Don't Love)' is playing nowㅋㅋ

Every time I meet Hongki, I always ask him to sing thisㅋㅋ

Difficult incidents, sad incidents, depressing incidents,

hurtful incidents, wounding incidents..

Even though it's a life overflowing with pain..

I would like you to always smile^-^

Heechul oppa, please don't be depressed anymore and return to your old cheerful self. And when Super Junior comes to Malaysia next year, I'll be there to support oppa. We can't really stop what people are saying about us but we certainly don't want people to talk bad behind us... So guys and gals, think about it....

++saykoji89++
++In supporting Heechul++