I'm totally crazy

HAhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....

I got no better things to do and my brain has been overloaded.

++saykoji89++

++I've looked up the word wrist-banging and it literally means banging your wrist. Stupid me++

Purple

You have someone else

But we still met, right?

That color we saw as the sun rose

It was a beautiful purple, wasn’t it?

Unfortunately I have shown you loneliness

Until the day I am able to hug you

The goodbyes that I’m not good at saying

Make me change to being so innocent

I’m not good with words

“I love you” urges me on

If that is a warm place

Will you always let the flowers bloom?

The closer I get to you

The further away you seem to be

If that is a warm place

Will you always let the flowers bloom?

I should have given up

But even now you are the only one I love

The goodbyes that I’m not good at saying

Make me change to being so innocent

I’m not good with words

“I love you” urges me on

If that is a warm place

Will you always let the flowers bloom?

The closer I get to you

The further away you seem to be

The purple we saw on that day

I hope we can go and see it again

++saykoji89++

++Murasaki by Akanishi Jin++

1582

I was listening to the song '1582' by Kamenashi Kazuya of KAT-TUN and really amazed by his ability to sing two different point of views in the song.

If you are wondering about the song, in my point of view, this song is about the strong bond between 2 people and as deep and sorrowful as the story of this couple. The only couple I can think of is Oda Nobunaga and his loyal servant Morii Ranmaru. They both died in the year of 1582.

So, it might sound yaoi-ish. But I've looked it up and it's normal for these Damiyo to have young adolescent warrior a.k.a follower as his lover. Beats me. I only read about it. Anyway, the song itself is really great even if you don't associate them with the story of gay samurais. (Japanese people please forgive me for saying so. I meant no harm..)

But I had fun listening to the song while searching up all those connected to the samurais, such as the 47-rounins, seppuku, jigai, shinsengumi and lots of other great historical event of Japan. Ah, I really wish to lived back during this period. It must be nice to see all these samurais and shoguns fighting each other. Not to mention the NINJAS!!!!! Somebody, create a time machine already!!!!

++saykoji89++

++living up my dream as a samurai but only on the papers++

Someday for Somebody

Holding hands, listening to each others voices

Laughing together, if it was possible, it would be nice.

What kind of person will I happen across?

Being helped, being supported

Understanding each other, if it was possible, it would be nice

What kind of heart did I come in contact with?

Now, in this second, getting hurt, embracing the pain

Now, in this second, embracing the life that'll begin

Now, in this second, there are times when I know it's for eternity

While holding hands, we are living.

Wanting each other, appreciating each other

If i could tell you this, it would be great.

What kind of dream

Will I be able to find?

Even if we're seperated from each other, Even if the time passes by,

If we could trust each other, it would be great.

What kind of tear do we have to face now?

To someday for somebody

To somewhere for something

The painful grieving for not being able to do it

I hope the day, when these memories arrive will come someday

So, because the same day won't continue in eternity,

while we are searching for the light and live on

There are also things I, the tiny me, can do, so

I wonder if I will be able to go somewhere from here

Now, in this second, getting hurt, embracing the pain

Now, in this second, embracing the life that'll begin

Now, in this second, there are times when I know it's for eternity

While holding hands, we are living.

Now, in this second, getting hurt, embracing the pain

Now, in this second, embracing the life that'll begin

Now, in this second, there are times when I know it's for eternity

While holding hands, we are living.

Someday I will, for you.

++saykoji89++

++I really like this song~++

Hetalia Quiz

You guys should really try this out... I literally LOLed on the floor with the results. Have fun...

Hetalia Life by Oddology
Your Name
Favorite Colour
Age
Your best friend is	France
You have a crush on	Iceland
You hate	Lithuania
You get bullied by	England
You're scared of	Sealand
The person who has a crush on you is	Belarus
The person who hates you is	Japan
You're scared of	Prussia
You get a confession from	Prussia
But you go out with	Spain
And you break this persons heart	Spain
You have a one night stand with	Canada
Which leads to a fist fight with	Romano
Chances of you winning	82%
Everyone graduates but	Italy
You marry	Vietnam
This person starts arguing with you	Spain
You're helped out of the arguement by	Prussia
And then have an affair with	S. Korea
You get caught by	Belarus
The chances of them telling	5%
Your spouse finds out, he feels	Anger
You get divorced, you move in with	Estonia
Chances of a one night stand	66%
You then move in with	Spain
Who	Watches you in the shower
You start having feelings for	Hong Kong
You get another confession from	Poland
You say no, they go out with	Romano
You get ambushed by	Finland
And then glomped by	Ukraine
You're drunk, and you kiss	Canada
How much they liked it	40%
You suddenly have a huge war against	Lithuania
Chances of you winning	48%
You later remarry	Sweden
How happy you two are	63%
You die from	Boredom
The only person to not go to your funeral is	Vietnam
The mastermind behind your death is	Germany
The person who's the most devastated that you died	Estonia
The person who's the happiest that you died is	England
The person who goes to the funeral for food is	Italy
The person who gets all your stuff is	Lithuania
How much you liked your life	21%

++saykoji89++

++Why would I fight with Iggy?++

I have been thinking...

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.. What do I want to achieve in my life actually? Love? Fame? Family?

To tell you the truth, I have no fucking idea. I look back at the days, when I was small, naive but really content with my life. I have a family that loves me to death and I have friends that will be my shoulder to cry on. I don't give a fuck about pimples or acne (like I have any back then) nor do I give a damn about relationships.

Now, as I grow older, I feel that not all people are truthful to you. They act real nice then they backstab you. They tend to say cruel things to you and all of the sudden relationship is the most important thing in the world. If you don't have a partner, you're doomed to be lonely forever.

When I was young, my dream was to become a kindergarten teacher. Teaching young and eager kids their first steps to knowledge. Now, I don't want to do that anymore. All I wanted is to be happy. Somehow, my dream is to live somewhere far away, away from all. I want to move to a place where no one knows who I am. A fresh start.

Drawing has always been my no.1 passion. My first love. I once stated that I could die without pencils and papers within my reach. Recently, that passion seems to fade. All critics are taken to heart. My confidence in drawings dropped. Hard. Sure, I still love Kenji with all my heart, but drawing him seems to be a burden to me. To tell you the truth, I have like a hundred of story plots but whenever I hold a pencil, all I do is write his name. Harusawa Kenji.

Love life, actually I never gave a damn about it. I used to have a few crushes here and there but all of it seems like crap now. Guys I've had crushes on, Shahfiz, Adam, Shahid, E-pul, Hafiz, all seems useless. Not that I'm saying that they're useless, just the crushes seems useless. Come to think of it, what the hell did I see in them anyway. They are nowhere as perfect as Kenji, nor can they compare with Kame, Heechul, or Takuya. But the thing I remembered till now is when I was in Eden, I fought with this Chinese girl on who gets to marry Shahfiz and Shahfiz chose me. Everytime I think of it, it kinda makes me smile a little. Heh, but that was that.

If I were to turn back time, I would return back to the time I was in primary school. I miss playing a fool during class. I miss all the fun I had with Joshua and Andy. I miss choir and coral speaking practices. I miss telling stories with Zhamir. I miss jocking with Amy. I miss the Tea Kwon Do training. I miss buying ice-creams outside the school gate after school. I miss going to Iqa's house before school starts. I miss the races to the vending machine. I miss the bus ride home. I miss Cikgu Khairul's scoldings because I didn't pay attention during music class. I miss participating in sports day and 'Hari Anugerah Kecemerlangan'(The day they give out awards to excellent students). I miss going to "Ngaji" and tuitions. I miss riding my bike. I miss quarelling with my older brother over tiny little stuff. I miss everything back then.

++saykoji89++

++I feel old++

KAMENASHI KAZUYA'S 30 GF CONDITIONS

*credit and translations to kotorichan of LJ kattunlove community.
(This is quoted by Mr.Kamenashi himself)

look

1. have a cute smile (When I smile I'm cute)
2. should have clean and fresh appearance (I barely pass this)
3. have a unique look (I'm unique in a way)
4. have good taste in dressing (I always dress Kenji up in awesome clothes)
5. have her own style (I have my own line too called "21")
6. wear the hairstyle that suits her (I wear tudung. Does it matters?)
7. a really natural person, give others feeling of being herself (???)

character

8. not lying (how about white lies?)
9. give her best in everything she does (I do... sometimes...)
10. has confidence to wake me up at the morning (with kisses…sure..sure)
11. can support me (you can lean on me all you want)
12. should know how to clean, and know to tidy up a room really well (oh crap, does stuffing everything in your closet count as tidy???)
13. can get a long with my friends really well (ok his friends are Jin, Yamapi, Takki, etc... i think we will get along VERY well........)
14. can speak her own opinion (I do. Check my blog)
15. can accept my bad sides (I’ll accept all of you)
16. definitely keeps her promises (with you, who wouldn't?)
17. always look at me (as if I’ll look at others when I have you)
18. should know how to cook (cup noodles won't do??? Or fried egg???)
19. treasures her family (I am very much family oriented)
20. should be really happy with me (who wouldn’t)
21. should bear the bad smell of a barbeque restaurant (ok so I’ll just tuck my head on your shoulders)

things she likes

22. she should like ramen and things like that (i LOVE ramen!!!)
23. like the same food like me (We share the same love for 'sotong', honey)
24. likes to watch baseball (i would like to watch YOU play )
25. can go surfing with me (err...you would have to teach me though)
26. likes to watch golfing (I watch YOU play)
27. likes the nature, isn't afraid of insects (I'm not afraid of insects.)
28. adores the ocean (take me to the ocean any day)
29. likes dog, thinks they are really cute (would you settle for a cat? or a turtle?)
30. having same favorite scenes in movies.. just by intuition...(depends on the movie actually)

0-10: ganbatte ne
11-20: can be friend
21-29: can be girlfriend
30: let us get married

I scored 28/30

if you are my girlfriend, you get:

1. I would take the relationship really seriously, never take this easy! (I would be very happy)
2. I will console with my heart and body (I'd do the same)
3. we will stimulate eachother (like support.. help.. having fun.. work.. ect.)
4. give you the greatest happiness everyday! (I get the happiness just by looking at your face)
5. would take bath together! (LOL!!! Massive nosebleed!!!!)
6. I would do your eyebrows (L.M.A.O!!!!!!!!! xDDDD but seriously, I’ve always been envious of his eyebrows)

If you can't be a part of the family, you can't be my girlfriend.

To me, the beloved person is something that can't be missing in life. It has the same importance like the work. That's why I can't go out with someone who can't be part of this big family. Till now two different person who have been seeing two different perspective of life would work together, seeing the same things, spending the same time.
This time together can't be replaced by anything else in the world. Always together, accepting the bads of the other, growing up together.. that's my ideal girl...

Last post before finals...

I've talked to a classmate of mine about love just now, and she seem to have a point. We do tend to forget our old love when we have new ones. But somehow, I really can't forget the old one.

Sometimes I miss him so much that I really wanted to talk to him but there are also sometimes where I really want to throw him away out of my life. I never want to see nor hear his name again!- something like that.

My friends might figure out already who I am talking about. Just a few days ago, Zue answered a question about it and her answer marks the spot. I really, really want to forget about him but I can't seem to. What is the easiest way to forget someone?

Sure at times, I'll remember the memories but I really, really want to forget them. I can't seem to move on with these memories clinging on to me. Just how am I supposed to find new love? Tell me.

I miss him. I really miss him.

Ah, but there is this one guy...

...

...

...

...

...who have caught my attention lately.....

Maybe this feelings are due to reading too much TurtleKame and Bakanishi fics. Not to mention watching YamaNade marathon.

I want a boyfriend like Kyouhei!!!!!

++saykoji89++

++Those who knew who am I talking about, just shut up++

Finals..

Due to the finals, I won't be active on this blog or facebook. I'll be back as soon as the finals are over. Till then, mata ne... (^w^)v

++saykoji89++

++lots of chapters to read n stuff++

P/s---> Kaizu, Kyoko. Check the KsK blog always ok?

KAT-TUN

Lately, I have been shipping a lot of KAT-TUN songs. Suddenly Kamenashi Kazuya has a big influence on me. My ringtone has also changed from "Sorry Sorry"(Super Junior) to "Six Senses"(KAT-TUN). Message tone is still "I Hope" by FT Island.

I have also changed my wallpaper from my cute, and adorable pouting cousin, Muhsin to the cute and adorable, no pouting Kame. I liked KAT-TUN since I saw their battle song with NewS. KAT-TUN sung "Fight All Night" and NewS sung "Shock Me".

At that time I was instantly in love with Kame but not as much as I love Takuya from Uverworld, and surely not as much as I love Heechul from Super Junior.

But after me and my levelmates watch GOKUSEN II, (which of course starring Kame and Jin) I began to ship KAT-TUN more. Sure, I like MatsuJun from Arashi too (GOKUSEN I) but somehow or rather his acting doesn't leave as much impact as Kame.

So, since last week, I pushed all my fandom aside (Vocaloid, SuJu, and UVERworld) and played non-stop of KAT-TUN song and videos. Oh, and I also found out that KAT-TUN is having an Asia Tour this year which includes Japan(duh~), Korea, China, and Thailand. I could never figure out why on earth does these East Asian boy bands doesn't want to do their tour in Malaysia. SuJu did theirs here and they had sold out the tickets with estimated 15,000 fans during the concert night. Huh~ Someday I'll go to Japan if I have to, to watch these boys concert.

++saykoji89++

++I love Kamenashi Kazuya++

Not in the Mood!

Today I am really pissed off. I never felt this pissed off ever in my life. Because I was so pissed off, I felt that I was so rude to everyone. My roommates, my friends, my lecturers, and especially my mom. (Sorry ma, I didn't mean to)

First off, I've told them a million times before and a million times after that Shidi is not my effing brother you stupid twins!!!! Do you assume that every person who walks together are siblings? I am sick of hearing the jokes about him being my brother. Can't concentrate in class since you idiots keep calling me "adik shidi". Do you want me to yell you in front of the whole class? Fine then, continue this idiotic jokes and we'll see.

Second off, why do everyone want to do test and quizzes at the end of the semester??! Is it fun seeing how student will struggle to cram every subject they take into the puny brain? Sadastic lecturers. They had the whole semester to do it, yet, they still want to do the quizzes at the END of the semester. If it is possible to do it after the finals, they would probably do it then.

There are various of other reasons that made me really PMS-ing today. Such as the dinning hall is out of food as I am damn hungry, the internet is slow, my laundry got rainned on and etc etc. Because of that, I was lashing out to everybody. I'm sorry.

I was rude to my friend when I ignored her when she asked me for the solution. I was rude to my roommates since I said I don't effing care how the room looks like a laundromat. I was rude to my mom when I said that she still didn't bank in the money yet despite how she nag at me to buy the tickets early.

I'm just sorry.

++saykoji89++

++stomach cramps are the source to all moodiness++

Buang Tebiat

huhuhu, hai eberibadi, long taim no si. Tudei ai wan tu du samting ai hev not dan fo a long taim.

Yes pipel. Ai wan tu spik 'Sabahan'...

Ui, lma sda nda berkurapak kadayan ni. Balik2 bekurau ngannya. hahaha, rindu plang mo mulih Labuan. Tadi, ak bukak page di facebook n ad psl "mari menyampah sama orang sabah yang cakap semenanjung sama orang sabah". Bha, buli plang buka topik ani? (Buli bha kalo ko)

To be honest, ada jua tyme2 yg ak terkadayan tanpa sadar.

example:

roommate a: Kak Shara nampak x pensel org tadi?

Aku: Bukan tadi ad 'ampai-ampai' atas meja?

(bha, nda ku taw eh ampai2 dlm kuraunya apa)

Member B: Shara, cepat la sikit...

Aku: Nak cepat2 pown wat pe? Aku nak 'usai' tudung di jap.

('usai' n 'usai2' membawa maksud yg berbeza)

Maka, liat la... Mun ak di semenanjung, lidahku nda jua lupa Labuan. hahaha... (budu bha ko)

Ah, ak mo pigi Labuan... Sapa jua kan blanja ak tiket? Ak nda berusin sda. Cuti pun teda...

Facebook

Guys, for the time being I decided to deactivate my facebook since it's becoming too distactive and my finals are coming up.

Please contact me through this blog and deviantart.

Minna-san, Gomen!!!

++saykoji89++

++I had to do it++

Wounded

This is a song by Good Charlotte entitled "Wounded"

Lost and broken,
Hopeless and lonely.
Smiling on the outside,
and hurt beneath my skin.

My eyes are fading,
My soul is bleeding.
I'll try to make it seem okay,
But my faith is wearing thin.

So help me heal these wounds,
They've been open for way too long.
Help me fill this hole,
Even though this is not your fault,

That I'm open,
And I'm bleeding,
All over your brand new rug.
And I need someone to help me sew them up.

I only wanted a magazine,
I only wanted a movie screen,
I only wanted the life I'd read about and dreamed.
And now my mind is an open book,
And now my heart is an open wound,
And now my life is an open soul for all to see.

But help me heal these wounds,
They've been open for way too long.
Help me fill this hole,
Even though this is not your fault,

That I'm open and I'm bleeding,
All over your brand new rug.
And I need someone to help me,
So you come along,
I push you away,
Then kick and scream for you to stay.
Cuz I need someone to help me,
Oh I need someone to help me,
To help me heal these wounds,
They've been open for way too long.
Help me fill this hole,
Even though this is not your fault,

That I'm open,
And I'm bleeding,
All over your brand new rug.
And I need someone to help me sew them,
I need someone to help me fill them,
I need someone to help me close them up.

Hear the song here.

++saykoji89++

++somehow I kinda relate to this song++

What the hell is his problems???

*I am about to use very vulgar language in this post. You have been warned*

I am really upset right now that I feel so sick. I feel like I'm gonna barf any moment due to this unreleased tension. What the hell is his fucking problem?! If you have a fucking attitude problem, go jump off a building or something.

What is so wrong with my hobbies. So I like to draw and play games, is it wrong? Is it a sin? Is it so disgusting that you have to make that ugly facial expression? Why is it that everything I do, you never seem to get tired of making fun of it. Just because I have dreams and ambition, and you rather throw your life down the drains, it doesn't mean that my dreams are ridiculous.

I might seem like I don't give a fuck about what you just said but it really hurts me deep inside. Are you happy knowing that I cried myself to sleep almost every night? Are you so happy that you make my life seems so fucking miserable?

I know I used to give a damn about what people say about me, but I feel like I'm cracking and breaking down. I just like to wonder if I died will all of them be a little happier? I won't be an eyesore to them any longer. If this was it, wouldn't it be better if I die?

I really feel like breaking down. I don't know how much longer I can stay like this. Having friends might be helpful, but how far can a friend help you? It doesn't help either if you are the black sheep of the family. I know my family loves me despite the way I behaved but I can feel their annoyance when I do something bad. And I don't know why I keep stretching their patience. Why I am like this? Just where did I go so wrong?

I feel really, really sick right now. I can feel my stomach's churning all around, I feeling like throwing up, I feel so cold and hopeless. I don't want to care anymore. Just let the fucking world move on, and see if I care.

I want to run away. Away to a place where it's thosand of miles away. Would anybody notice if I'm gone? Would anybody notice if I chose to stay?

It seems...

Lately it seems that I might be doing nothing with my artworks. That is SO not true. I'm concentrating on this single artwork that I'm not doing anything else for the time being.


I haven't even post this picture up in dA because I wanted to post the complete picture with color. The thing that has been getting me so long to color it is that when I used the Photoshop on my friends PC (don't ask where's mine), it tend to close so suddenly that I can't get a chance to save my work.

So, it's like I have to the same thing over and over again which is a bitch. At times, I just close the whole thing. So, that is why it's taking me such a long time. But I promise to try and finish it up soon.

BTW, a random question here, what would be of Super Junior when there is no more Hankyung? And will all post about Hankyung will be deleted on SuJu's fan page? Will they post anymore updates on Hankyung?

++saykoji89++
++...++

DO NOT

DO NOT assume that we're friends if all we ever did was talk a few times.

DO NOT assume we're buddies if we only share a few things in common.

DO NOT assume I like you even if I am being nice to you.

DO NOT assume you know me when you don't even know half of the truth about me.

DO NOT assume I'm a lessie when I walk holding hands with another girl.

DO NOT assume I'm gay when you see me drawing two guys together.

DO NOT assume I'm tough even if I look tough on the outside.

DO NOT assume I'm sane when you don't know what is going on in my brain.

DO NOT assume I don't care when I ignore things.

DO NOT assume I like the ways things are even when I don't complain.

DO NOT assume that I hate things even when I do complain.

DO NOT assume that I'm okay even if I don't cuss you back for cussing me.

and furthermore...

DO NOT assume that I trust you even if you are the closest person to me.


++saykoji89++
++why do people keep assuming?++

Is Hankyung Coming Back???

I'm so excited when I read this. Is he coming back to SuJu? Or is he just back in the entertainment world? I don't effing care because the hopes alone made me smile like I never smiled before!

This was taken from Hankyung's cyworld message but he already deleted it...

***************************************

“Wait for me to return, hehe~~~When I have time, I’ll be back… I love you all!!! Take good care of yourselves!!”

* the message is no longer in his cy

cr: hangeng cyworld
trans: ydnim @omonatheydidnt livejournal
reup by stalker93@sapphirepearls.com

reup by saykoji89.

++saykoji89++

++don't worry hankyung, I will be waiting for your return with 12 other angels++

Naruto 486 Spoiler

I saw this spoiler at 3.30 in the morning and I have already cry my heart out last night.
I can't wait for the manga to be out this week and I'll cry again but I'll be happy.
And Masashi just have to stop his unfocused ramblings.

You guys might wonder what I'm talking about right?
It is the spoiler for Naruto Chapter 486 that is due to come out on the 11th March.
It has been verified but I don't know how far the truth is.
All I know is that I enjoy the tears.
Kekekeke.... On with the spoiler....

*********************************
More yaoi than this........Warning Naruto 486 spoiler

Naruto: I get it, if we fight seriously now we'll both die.
Naruto: You're a friend! That's why I'll shoulder your hatred together with you by dying with you.
Sakura cries upon hearing this.
Sasuke: You don't understand anything about pain - I won't die - you alone will die.
Kakashi: You must become Hokage so let me take care of Sasuke!
Naruto: "I can't become Hokage if I can't even save a single friend! I'm going to fight Sasuke!!!"

what kind of option is "I'll kill Sasuke and die myself, as well"


++saykoji89++
++Being happy and sad at the same time is my speciality++

p/s---> Hankyung is saying to wait for him. Is he coming back???!!! I'm so excited!!!

New Hairstyle

Hey, this is sayko saying hi after a short hiatus due to a few reasons. (lazy actually)
But look at the pic below....

|
|
V

Recognize this guy? He is actually Kenji. I just change his hairstyle for the better. But I had to put up with his non-stop nagging about why I changed his hair-do. I swear he can nag like a woman....

Anyway there this short sketch I did of him wif KsK... the dialogue goes like this...

Kenji: Hey guys, what do you think o my new hairstyle?

Kaizu & Kyoko: ....

Kenji: come on, be honest...

Kaizu: Banana!

Kyoko: Octopus sausage!

Kenji: .....why did I have to ask them.... (depressed)



So, now he's nagging me to change back his hairstyle. But he have to wait now that I'm busy with exams and sasunaru artworks. Be happy with your 'Char Gundam' hairstlye. kekekeke....

++saykoji89++
++I can be so evil sometimes++